Well this weekend was weird.
I went to dinner with my husband, went to get drinks with friends, slept in Saturday, did some work for my day job, spent time with family, brunched, ran errands and bought things for the house…All the while I was so confused, because there was nothing else I was supposed to be doing. No deadlines. Nothing.
I still managed to feel a little guilty because surely I should be doing something, right? I even invented a few writing related tasks that I ought to be getting done over the weekend, just because that’s my default setting. But mostly, I found myself feeling a little lost.
See, last week, Agent Dan approached me about a new book for a packager I’ve previously worked for and, more than that, loved working for. But the project was very much in line with work I’ve already done for them. Still, it’s a new book and it’d be fun and not too terribly, terribly difficult. I learned so much from the editors at this packager and would love the opportunity to work with them again. (Not to mention, it’s getting paid for writing, which never hurts.)
But I turned it down in favor of feeling lost.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a touch of non-buyer’s remorse. I love having a solid plan for writing. I love the comfort that comes with knowing someone has already paid me and therefore believes in my work at least that much before I have to dig in with fingers to keys. I love having books come out quickly to established audiences. All that is so tempting and so much more familiar than what I’m doing right now.
On Wednesday I turned in revisions to my agent for a book that is mine and has yet to be sent out to editors. I asked myself, if I had a book deal in hand, would I take this packaged book? The answer was, No. I wouldn’t. I’m someone that has a very hard time believing in my own work. In some way, turning down the series felt like a vote of confidence in my own little book. I’ve never worked so hard on making a book right in my life, so I guess I thought it was time for my own book to have my full attention. Maybe it will sell or maybe it won’t, but at least it won’t be for lack of believing in it.
Now that’s not to say that I don’t have anything else in the hopper. My agent is currently negotiating a contract for a book that I’m very excited about. This was a vague idea pitched to me by a production studio in 2 words. From there I spun a synopsis and characters and pitched it back. They liked it and now I get to take this concept and create a full proposal out of it. This is a story I have a lot of creative control over at this point and it’s another idea I believe in 110%, so I feel comfortable taking it.
But by turning down the other project, I’ve also left room for something else cool to come my way, or to work on another book of my own. Who knows. But I hope to know a lot more in the coming months.
Status: Reading Beautiful Creatures, yes, before the movie comes out and playing with shiny, new ideas whenever they come along.